


Cutting Remarks

by accioalpacas



Category: Daft Punk
Genre: Angst and Humor, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1352218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioalpacas/pseuds/accioalpacas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas Bangatler is tired of losing his hair. He decides to do something about it, and Guy-Man catches him.<br/>Humor, slight angst, and fluff ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cutting Remarks

Guy-man noticed two things. One, Thomas had taken to wearing hats and beanies much more frequently than he used to; and two, he had also stopped wearing short sleeved shirts. While he found it odd, Guy-man assumed Thomas was beginning to get a cold. This however, was not the case.

Thomas noticed two things. One, the hair that used to rest comfortably in thick curls on the top of his head had somehow migrated to his chest and upper arms; and two, he did not like it one bit. Thomas decided that one way or another, he was going to have the full head of hair that he deserved. “ _Even my dad has more hair than me_ ,” he grumbled to himself in the mirror. “ _Just wait, Thomas, just wait. Your day is coming_.” He carefully patted what was left of his curly locks for comfort.

Guy-man ran his hands through his slightly greasy hair, hoping for inspiration to strike. “Thomas, I really don’t think this song is going to work. It just doesn’t sound like the others,” he turned in his chair to face Thomas. He didn’t expect Thomas to be glaring at the top of his head as if there were lasers penetrating Guy-Man’s skull. “Thomas?”

Thomas twitched and dropped his gaze level with Guy-Man’s. “Hmm? Yeah me either, let’s just call it a day. Elodie wants me to pick up Tara-Jay from school today anyway. He needs a hair cut apparently,” Thomas’ voice filled with disgust, reaching up to run his fingers through his thinning hair.

Guy-Man caught the undertone as he glanced at the top of Thomas’ head. “ _What is going on with him?_ ”

Thomas carefully placed the beanie on his head, as to not dislodge any of the thin hairs left. He rode the subway to Tara-Jay’s school, thinking of his master plan. “ _I wonder if anyone will notice. Hopefully Elodie doesn’t bring it up, God that would be so embarrassing. But what’s more embarrassing than going bald before you’re 40? Nothing!_ ” He twisted his hands nervously in his lap.

Guy-Man stayed in the studio for a while after Thomas left. He cleaned up a little bit, making a mental checklist of the things he had to do. He had almost forgotten that he was having dinner at Thomas’ that night. He wondered why Thomas never mentioned anything while they were working. Usually he can’t stop talking about what Elodie had planned to make for their two families. He sat in one of the desk chairs to rest for a moment. _“Why has Thomas been acting so weird lately? Wearing hats and long sleeves? And that comment about Tara-Jay? It just didn’t seem like him._ ” He knew Thomas liked Tara-Jay’s longer hair, but it had gotten so long it reached to nearly his ribcage. Guy-Man decided that he was going to figure out what was going on with Thomas tonight. Whatever it was, it had better be good.

Thomas stood next to the hairdresser, trying with all of his might to hide his disappointment when Tara-Jay opted for a hairstyle almost as short as Thomas’s. The hairdresser attempted to make small talk, only to hit a brick wall. It was like Thomas wasn’t even registering what she was saying to him. And he wasn’t. All he could see was the hair that fell from Tara-Jay’s head, years of beautiful growth wasted. He felt like he was going to be sick. He wished he could scoop up the hair on the floor and take it with him. He easily could, as long as he ignored the disapproving looks from the employees and his own son. He decided to spare the pain of walking out of the hair salon with fistfuls of long brown hair in his pockets.

He tipped the hairdresser and left to go home with Tara-Jay. He was one step closer to the only thing he was looking forward to today. The two passed a drugstore, walking quickly. Tara-Jay pulled on Thomas’ coat to stop him. “Dad, I forgot! I need glue sticks for a project due next week. Can we go buy some really quick before we go home? The ones I have are all dried and gross.”

“ _They’re dried up? Oh god, what was I going to do if he didn’t say anything_?” Thomas thought, panicking slightly, “Oui, hurry up, we’ve got to get hom-“ “ _Shit! Guy-Man is coming over for dinner tonight. What if he finds out? What if he sees? I’ll be ruined! We’ve got to hurry. This is going to take a long time,_ ”

Tara-Jay wandered down the office supply isle, surveying his glue stick choices. “Hey! Maximum hold! Awesome! Now I can use those foam things on the board!” He picked up a package of three and took them to the register.

Thomas dug his hands in his pockets, thankful that he didn't have to suggest it himself.

The pair raced home, Tara-Jay to find Elodie to tell her about his day at school, and Thomas to the bathroom farthest away from anyone in the house. He’d hidden his supplies last night after Elodie went to bed. He pulled out three razors, one of them electric and laid them out on the counter. He slipped the maximum hold glue stick from his pocket and set it on the counter as well. “ _Your time has come. Finally I’ll have the head I deserve_.” He smiled to himself at the thought.

Thomas pulled his hat off carefully along with his shirt and jeans. He meant business. Listening for approaching footsteps and hearing nothing, he got to work shaving. He shaved his arms, chest, stomach, even his legs, all the while collecting the hair in a pile on the counter.

45 minutes and 5 band-aids later, he sat on the bathtub across from the sink admiring the significant pile of hair he had collected. He stood, sauntering over to the sink. He picked up the glue stick and a pinch of hair. Thomas moved the glue stick across the back of his head slowly, applying as much as possible. His mouth hung open in deep concentration. He waited a few seconds before gently pressing the hair in his hand to his head. He held it there, counting to 10, before slowly pulling his hand away. It was empty! He grinned, picking up the mirror and turned so he could see the back of his head in the reflection. “ _Hell yes! It worked!_ ” Thomas flipped around, returning to the task at hand. Little by little, his head was filling with hair once more. He started humming “Doin’ It Right” to himself in the mirror. He hadn’t been this happy in months, and he was shaking from the excitement.

A few minutes later, realizing that Thomas had not greeted her when he came home with Tara-Jay, Elodie padded through the house looking for him. “Thomas?” She called through the bathroom door.

Thomas froze, his eyes flicking between the razors, the pile of hair on the counter, and his near nude reflection. “Yeah?” His voice squeaked.

“What are you doing in there? You got home two hours ago! Are you feeling alright?” Elodie sounded concerned.

“Mhm, yep, all good in here. I was just taking a shower and getting ready for dinner. I’ll be out in a few minutes, okay?” Thomas’ voice shook, “ _Buy it, buy it, please buy it and go away_.”

“O-okay. Guy-Man and his family are going to be here in 20 minutes,” Elodie said, her head in her palm as she walked away from the door.

Thomas had 20 minutes to finish gluing the hair onto his head. He could do this. There wasn’t that much left. He began working faster, positioning the hair just so. 15 minutes later he was finally finished. His arms ached from holding his hands above his head for almost two hours. He cleaned up his mess, which took longer than expected because he had to stop and admire his handiwork every few minutes.

He made his way to the other end of the house to change his clothes. He chose a button up shirt, avocado in color. It was his favorite, and although he didn’t wear it often anymore, today was a special day.

Thomas followed the delicious smell of cooked food into the kitchen to find Elodie sitting with her back to him reading a magazine. He strutted over to the fridge for water. Before he could pull open the fridge door, he heard Elodie gasp. He pretended he didn’t hear it. Nobody was going to ruin his day today. He took a long drink, eyeing Elodie from the other side of the room. She stared back at him with her mouth agape. The doorbell rang. Thomas lowered the water glass, licking his lips.

He left the room to let Guy-Man in. “Hey Thoma-“ Guy man halted in the entryway, his eyes locked on Thomas’s newly covered head. “What the hell Thomas?” He whispered urgently, “Is that a _wig_?”

“Non,” Thomas replied, turning on his heel and leading Guy-Man and his family into the kitchen.

Guy-Man followed, staring into the crown of Thomas’ head before realizing what he was wearing. _“His head hasn’t been that full of hair since the 90s. Is that-no way. He is NOT wearing that shirt_.” he thought,  “Why are you wearing that ugly shirt, Thomas? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we had transported ourselves back into the 90s again,” Guy-Man accused jokingly, reaching up to ruffle Thomas’ hair.

“NO!” Thomas ducked, his arms flying up to cover his head. “Don’t. Touch. _My head_.” he hissed venomously.

Guy-man yanked his hand back towards himself. He’d had enough of this. “What is going on with you? Have you lost your mind? Have you officially gone mad?” He yelled, “Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? Because if I’m not mistaken, you already had that! This is ridiculous! Nobody cares that you’re losing your hair! Just take off the damn wig already and be done with it,”

Thomas stared at him, his eyes becoming glassy. He stood up straight and squared his shoulders. “Fuck you, Guy-Man, alright? Fuck you,” Thomas spat before scampering away to the bathroom.

Guy-Man stood in the kitchen with Elodie and his wife, trying to process what just happened. Thomas and Guy-Man have fought before over stupid things. After knowing somebody for almost 25 years, it’s easy to know when something’s up. Guy-Man didn’t know what was going on, but he was going to find out.

Thomas held a glue stick in his left hand and a handful of hair in his right. He was frantically gluing hair onto his head with tears running down his face. _“This was supposed to be my day!_ ” His thoughts screamed, “ _Guy-Man always has to ruin it! He thought it was a fucking wig! If only he knew._ ”

Guy-Man left his wife and Elodie alone in the kitchen to find Thomas. He treaded to the bathroom where he could hear Thomas’ quiet sobs from the other side of the door. _“Jesus, why is he so upset about this? It’s just hair!_ ” he thought. He opened the door to console Thomas, but was met with a sight he would never forget.

Thomas jumped into the air, throwing the glue stick across the bathroom and shoving the rest of the hair that had fallen out into his pocket. But it was too late, Guy-Man had seen.

“Thomas, I’m sorry about what I said a few minutes ago. It was wrong of me and I-“ his train of thought was interrupted when a glue stick rolled to a stop in front of his feet. He looked up at Thomas’ flushed and teary face and made the connection.

They stood in silence, Thomas staring at the glue stick at Guy’s feet, his hand clutching the hair in his pocket, and Guy-Man shifting his gaze from the green shirt Thomas had taken off, to his full head of curly hair that had not been there last week, to the bare arm leading into his right pocket.

Bare arm.

“Thomas,” Guy-Man began, choosing his words ever so carefully, “Did you-did you shave your arms and then,” He paused, trying to compose himself, “And then glue that hair to your- to your head?”

Thomas let out a groan, dropping onto the ledge of the bathtub. “Why?”

“Because!” Thomas wailed, shoulders slumped, “Because I’m not even 40 years old and I’m losing my hair. My dad is 28 years older than me and he has more hair! How is that even possible? And you!” Thomas stuck an accusing finger at Guy-Man, “You! You look like you’re getting more hair every day! It’s not fair!” Thomas slammed his fists on his knees before collapsing into another fit of tears.

Guy-Man didn’t even know how to react. He wanted to laugh at Thomas for being so petty, but it clearly bothered him a great deal.

He crossed the room in two long strides and sat next to Thomas on the bathtub. Thomas took his head out of his hands and rested it on Guy-Man’s shoulder. “I thought I looked good. I even wore my green shirt. I felt young again,” he croaked quietly.

Guy-Man put an arm around his best friend, rubbing his hairless arm. It was time for him to come clean. “Thomas, there’s something I need to tell you,” He stood, Thomas’s eyes following him. “I have a bit of a confession. But I’d rather show you instead of tell you,”

Guy raised a hand to his head, pulling slightly. His luscious locks fell to the marbled floor in front of Thomas’ feet. They both stared at the mousy brown mop.

It was all Thomas needed. He howled with laughter, clutching his sides. Guy-Man chuckled at first, but when he saw the dried flakes of glue in Thomas’ hair, he too let out a loud guffaw. The two men fell to the floor convulsing with choking laughter.

Thomas wiped the tears from his face and sat up. “Are you kidding? Is this a joke?”

“Non, I’ve been bald since 2008! I found this wig that looked just like the hair I had,” Guy-Manuel said, picking up his wig and reattaching it, “At least I didn’t try to glue my own body hair onto my head! Get that shit washed out of your hair, or what’s left of it,” He quipped, winking at Thomas.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!  
> More fics to come, as this is my first ever.


End file.
